Hey y’all! Yes, Flowers on the Fence country is still alive and well, it’s just, I haven’t been sure if Gail Roughton’s been alive and well over the last two months! A surprise release, final galley on one book, content edits on another, and two more already with covers waiting for me to supply their completed contents in support of that surprise first release! As we say down here, I been busier than a one-legged man at a square dance. (Well, we don’t really say that, but I couldn’t think of one we do say off the top of my head, so I just made one up.) But here’s a delightful post to make up to my wonderful Fence for neglecting it for so long! Presenting – Karina Fabian – Live! On her Live and Let Fly Book Tour!
An Apologia on Extortion, An Acceptable Dragon Practice
As told by the dragon, Vern
Gail offered to host us on her blog for the Live and Let Fly book tour. (Great story in which I take on dangerous demigods, maniacal middle managers, government bureaucracies and more, rising victorious with style in order to get a new roof for my dump of a lair.) Gail asked for a post on “whatever,” and Karina passed it on to me.
There are some people who will read Live and Let Fly and may come to the conclusion that I’m selfish. After all, the world was in peril, bad guys were on the loose, and I was holding out for a bonus. A big bonus. Well, all I can say is, those people are right—if I were human.
But let’s face it; dragons have different standards.
Before I start, let me define apologia: a defense of one’s opinions or actions. It is not an apology. I am not the least sorry for holding back information from my temporary employers while some evil overlord no doubt moved forward on her diabolical scheme. I will, however, be glad to explain why. Here’s the scene in question:
Mordash just leaned forward, his hand out, his eyes glinting. "I'll have our people analyze these—"
Grace started to hand him the files.
I set my large paw between them. "Not so fast. There's one very important detail we're missing," I said. I pulled out of my pocket one of the most important tools in the private investigator's repertoire.
The receipt book.
"What're you doing?" Mustache Mordash asked as I took out my small inkpot, opened the lid and dipped my writing claw into it.
"Our rescue was strictly an independent operation, remember?" I tossed Rakness a dark look but spoke reasonably enough. "So any information we might have acquired on said operation would be our own—"
"You mean to sell this information to us? I thought we were trying to protect this country; both our worlds, for that matter. What kind of patriot are you?"
I looked at him like he was a stupid mortal and didn't mention that I wasn't a citizen of the United States—or any nation, come to think of it. "Funny thing about saving the world," I mused. "It always manages to get un-saved. Kind of wrecks the job satisfaction factor. Philanthropy, though... Grace, how much did the Christian Brothers say they needed to start that school in Territory?"
Grace's eyes lit up. "Well, seven hundred fifty thousand, but the diocese and FlintCorp are contributing."
"Right. Some kind of matching funds deal." Even though I had already done the calculations in my head, I wrote them down. Dramatic effect. Very important.
Mustache blanched. "Are you out of your minds? You said yourself the forces of evil could be rising—"
"Exactly. Which is why a morally-based education for the underprivileged youth is so important. Now if we consider operating expenses for the first year..."
Mustache glowered. "And if the information you 'hypothetically acquired' is useless?"
"Then I'll be glad to negotiate a discount the next time you hand us a mission and some commercially available tech toys and abandon us at twenty thousand feet." I ripped off the top copy with a flourish and handed it to Mustache. He looked from my hand to Grace's, but she'd already returned the thumb drives to her sleeve pockets. He snatched the bill out of my claw.
"Let me make some calls," he growled. He spun his chair around, dismissing us.
#1. Dragons are immortal. I tend to have a long-term view of things, having seen the extinction of the dinosaurs (known as The End of the Biggie Sized Meal, as far as I was concerned), and the rise and fall of empires. Even if I hadn’t succeeded, things would have been chaos for awhile, but hey, the world recovers. Been there, seen that.
#2 Dragons are confident. I was on the case—me, Vern. I defeated Quetzalcoatl when I was barely the size of a Labrador, and without any help from secret government agencies. If I hadn’t given them the information, I still knew it, and they could have just followed me. Might have been easier, come to think of it.
#3 Dragons are treasure seekers. Thanks to St. George, I don’t get to enjoy treasure anymore, however. In fact, I life in a dump of a warehouse on the bad side of Los Lagos, Colorado, with (at the time) a leaky roof and no hoard. Since raiding museums and banks is frowned upon, I get my jollies where I can.
#4 The money went to a good cause. The school I helped fund with BILE’s money is almost finished. I can’t collect treasure, so I go for good deeds, nowadays.
#5 I was ticked off. Not the best of reasons, but angry dragons are dangerous; better to get my satisfaction by extorting some extra cash from my employer than to flame his desk, don’t you agree?
Incidentally, I didn’t want to do this blog. I’ve got my hands full training up an apprentice superhero. So I held out until Karina offered me a half a lamb to do this. Bribery, or simple payment for services?
Decide what you want. I’ve got a veal lunch waiting.
And where can you find Vern (and hopefully Karina, 'cause she really doesn't need to let him out unsupervised, I don't think)? Well, Karina Fabian is an award-winning fantasy, science fiction and horror author, whose books make people laugh, cry or think—sometimes all three. Check out her latest at http://fabianspace.com
Live and Let Fly releases April 20, 2012. In the interim, check out:
http://dragoneyepi.blogspot.com/p/live-and-let-fly.html or e-mail Karina at http://karinafabian.com/index.php?name=ContactPro to get on the notification list for the buy links.
And don't forget -- y'all come back now, hear?
And don't forget -- y'all come back now, hear?
