Sunday, December 4, 2011

Miz Ging Dishes It Out on Flowers on the Fence

Our own Queen of Humor honors us with an appearance today! Multi-talented, multi-faceted, multi-genre. I’m pretty sure I’m not posting the covers of all her books but blog pages are just so long, right?

So – are you ready to laugh? Com’on in!


I've always been very open to suggestion and even had to stop watching Marcus Welby M.D. in my youth because I manifested the same symptoms after I viewed an episode. Yep, the morning I woke up with a paralyzed arm identical to that suffered by Dr. Welby’s patient the previous night, I knew I needed to change my viewing habits. Now don't class me as a hypochondriac... there's a vast difference between inventing illness and mimicking one.

I thought I had a pretty good handle on medical problems, but now I have to worry about the side affects of the medicines I take. You know all those things they babble faster than the speed of light at the end of the recommending ad? Would you rather have RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome) or a severe gambling problem? I'm not sure. Depends on my luck, I guess.

Although I don't suffer from the condition, I'm thrilled that those with genital warts are trying to protect their partner by taking a little pill a day, but how happy will they be when their mates suffer a stroke? How about that commercial that shows someone slumbering restfully after ingesting just one little tablet? How peaceful can you sleep when complex behaviors such as “sleep-driving” have been reported by people taking the drug? I kid you not!

And what about this epidemic of penile flacidity? Is that even a word? Has this always been a problem and if so, why are we forced to hear about it now, and ad nauseam? I puzzle over why, when a man takes one of those little pills, he and his intended sexual partner end up in separate bathtubs, overlooking the ocean. I can’t seem to make the connection. Now back in the day when Ricky and Lucy or the Cleaver’s graced the screen, I understand why we never saw the couples in the same bed, but c’mon, this is 2011 and the soap operas and reality shows display everything…and I mean

The ads on TV are enough to make you avoid getting prescriptions filled, but if the commercials don’t make you leery enough, read the literature that comes with your medicines. Start a pill regime with a healthy liver, end up with a bad one and kidney failure. Have restless legs? Wake up and find yourself in an Indian Casino, miles from home, still clad in your pajamas and hunched over a blackjack table. Through the magic of FDA approved medications, you can grow excess facial hair, lose hair you want to keep, see double, triple, or risk blindness altogether. Ain’t it grand?

I can't take over-the-counter cold products with my blood pressure meds because I might have a stroke, and if I combine anything for sinus problems with a certain anti-depressant, I might become suicidal. Next thing I know, I won't be able to have sex on a night with a full moon in any month beginning with J. 

What happened to the days when we didn't have to hear about feminine itching, hemorrhoids and especially sexual dysfunction? Do we really want to see a couple who has that problem, see the twinkle in their eye and know their business? I don't. I'm an author and I believe in a good romance, but I like something left to the imagination. Don't you? Honestly, TV ads take the R right out of Romance sometimes.


  1. I'll have to say this particular flower on your fence today dear Gail is a genuine Rose. Maybe a Rose with a few thorns but it wouldn't be authentic otherwise. Lol. Ging, you are one funny lady and your humor certainly lights the day for many.

    Love you both and thanks for the Monday kick-off.

  2. Gail,
    Thanks for sharing the fence with this old crinkled rose, and Karen, I love being your friend, you raise me to heights I can't achieve on my own. Humor is what keeps me going. When I can't laugh anymore, then just close the lid and bury me. *lol* Oh...wait, don't do that. I'm claustrophobic.

  3. What a humorous blog. Course what else would I expect from Ginger, the Queen of Humor. I laughed out loud reading this and not much makes me laugh out loud anymore.

  4. As always Ginger, you never give us less than a barrel of chuckles. I am awed how you put into fluid words what the rest of us think, while shaking our heads at the images of diseases I felt quite comfortable all my life not knowing existed.

    You didn't mention one commercial though that I want to add to your stellar's the ccartoon commercial of that woman, sprawled, rather happily upon her chaise lounge after taking a pill that didn't make her go but made it comfortable for her to go. LIES, LIES, LIES! There should be truth in advertising, but alas...

    Like you I wonder about the men who take that pill and then end up in a separate bathtub, only holding hands with the intended recipient of his drug induced capabilities. Is that what the pill is for? So you can hold hands with the intended ob ject of your pill's enhancement?

    Considering the fortune made on those drugs by the pharmaceuitcal companies, if hand holding in separate bathtubs is the final objective, I think they've been robbed.

    I remember back when Lucy was not even allowed to say she was...omg..."pregnant" with little Ricky.

    Hmmmm do you think Big Ricky and Lucy just stretched their hands across the gap between their twin beds and shazam...little Ricky came into being?

    Maybe those pills ARE worth their weight...however I really did not need to know Bob Dole and/or long in the tooth, and equally saggy in the accumulated skin, Hug Hefner swear by those little pills. Yuck!

    Gail, thank you for hosting our glorious Queen of Humor. She is the best...and so, Sweetie, are you.

    Love you Both.

  5. Lovely post, Gail-and so funny. Thankfully we don't have those ads over here in the UK or I would be constantly squirming with embarrassment every time they came on. Even the one where the lady laughing with her friends at the water cooler goes 'Oops' but keeps smiling because her Tena pad saves her day makes me cringe!!

  6. Okay, I'm chuckling out loud reading your latest flower's clever views of new age meds, Gail. Did you suggest the topic or did our clever Miss Ging go for it?

    Ginger...thanks so much for brightening my day. I completely agree with your comments on the subject. My theory is separate bathtubs and hand holding because the med worked! That's how I rationalize it. Too exhausted for anything more...?? In my case, I must choose between liver damage to take statins for high cholesterol or heart attack if I don't! Choices...

  7. Gail and Ginger, thanks for the smile. I'll be chuckling all day after reading this. I don't watch TV and had no idea all this stuff was going on, though it doesn't look like I'm missing anything monumental. Ginger, your post is a delightful reminder why I don't turn the silly thing on anymore.

  8. We're only just getting those type of ads in NZ, but I agree, they go too far. Thank you Ginger for showing us the funny side of these ridiculous adverts. Let's face it, if you really want to use something like that you go to your doctor and accept his advice.

  9. Okay, Ging, you talked me into it. Here I am, laughing my head off. Or, maybe, other unmentionable parts, too. As for that male problem, I figured that one out years ago. I just used up my quota at three times the rate. So now I can dream of those 'good old days'. LOL
    But wait. I can't get to sleep any more so the dreams are out, too. Damn!!!
    One thing you and I share; we may be old but we're not dead. Yet.
    Thanks for great laughs and maybe an honest look at ourselves from time to time.

  10. Thanks to everyone who visited today. You've all made this a wonderful year for me, and I thank you. If I could provide a smile, then I'm happy. As long as I'm laughing, I'm still alive.

  11. Hey y'all! Ginger, thanks so much for coming! And thanks to all of you who stopped by! Now, did Ginger's post remind y'all of Andy Rooney or WHAT?!