Monday, January 16, 2012

Of Shadows and Light


Of Shadows and Light…..
Photo Used With Permission of Owner

Shadow.  Light.  Light.  Shadow.  Not my usual welcome to Flowers on the Fence Country, you say?  Not my usual Flowers on the Fence, either.  I usually come out with the Southern charm set at full blast.  None of that’s fake, you know.  It’s real.  It’s part of me.  But like everybody else, I have other – personas.  Entities.  Bits and pieces of – darkness.  Some folks are naturally drawn to the light.  I draw a lot of ‘em.  But some folks—well, they’re just naturally drawn to the dark.  To the shadows.  Now, this might come as a shock to y’all, but I draw a lot of those folks, too.  Folks from the shadows.  Like my next guest.  He’s got a name of course.  We all know him as Graeme Smith.  But guess what?  I first met him in a bar in Vladivostok.  Using his real name.  Shadow.  Jack Shadow.  You don't see him coming.  You don't notice he's moving.  But he's moving all right.  Closer....closer.....can you see him moving closer?
Photo Used With Permission of Owner
*******
Lady Gail. Or, as I know her, ‘what do you mean, you want me to guest on your blog, you crazy woman you?’

Maybe I’ll stick with Lady Gail. It’s shorter, and who knows when we might end up in a letter crisis. Like the oil thing, but with fewer nodding donkeys.
I first met Lady Gail (of course, that’s not her real name. If I told you her real name, she’d have to kill me. Again.) in a bar in Vladivostok. She’d just assosinat…. ossisanot…. ass-toss-er-isked…. er, she’d just pink-slipped the head of the local Origami Association. Well, more red-slipped really. Sawn off shotguns can be like that. Just another busy day at the office for an international assassin and patchwork quilting consultant. Anyway, she’d slipped in for a Vodka Moretini. The sort that says ‘hold the glass and give me the bottle – I might get into an argument’.

Anyway, we were getting along just fine until her cell phone rang. It was her next contract. Those cell phones have great screens these days, don’t they? Mind you, I take a lousy photograph, and this one was no better. But after a madcap pursuit across the Alps (we had to get them moved over to Vladivostok – the air fare would have been madness) and a Seqway chase through the sewers of Milan, we ended up at the Rickenbacker Falls. But since neither of us could play the guitar, Lady Gail just used her cell to order some more Moretinis.

She hasn’t tried to kill me since then. Well, not too often, at least. You see, she hates unfinished jobs. So there was the time in my favorite little café on the banks of the River Seine. I mean, I know she doesn’t think small, but blowing the river bank and flooding Paris so her trained sharks could swim along the Ave Victoria to get me was a little… but no matter. I was in Texas at the time, so what’s the wrong Paris between friends.

Of course, we all know what happened after that. Lady Gail’s Nobel Prize for Flower Arranging. With extra cyanide-tipped poison ivy. I always thought the cyanide was an original touch. And it got rid of the Lithuanian judge rather elegantly. That’ll teach him to ‘nul point’. Even in Lithuanian. Then there was my… um… But we mustn’t forget Lady Gail’s perfect 27.9 in the Olympic Vodka drinking. And my… er… Oh! And Lady Gail becoming President of Western Antarctica! And my… er… Right! Yes! My being invited to guest on her blog!

So here I am. A Flower on the Fence. Graeme Smith. Writer of, to quote a friend of mine (Cailidgh Spires - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pc7tbcYWHG0), ‘words and stuff’. Without being able to play the guitar like Cailidgh can (you can buy her album at http://www.reverbnation.com/cailidghspires).

This is me – Graeme Smith. Writer of comic fantasy. Well, it is if you laugh when you read it :-). And this, I’m told, is the part where I’m supposed to try to talk you into buying my book. A, like, whole book. Wot I wrote.

Ain’t gonna :-P.

Actually, I’m not going to because I can’t. Not yet. ‘A Comedy of Terrors’ doesn’t come out until July. If you want to take a look at that, or the Prologue at least, you can wander by http://www.graeme-smith.net/content/comedy-terrors-sample. But you can do that later. If you want to :-). For now – for now, if I could, I’d like to get your help.

You see, some time ago I decided to write about something. Or rather, someone. I wanted to write something with a main character who had absolutely no redeeming or sympathetic characteristics whatsoever. And then to… but that would be telling. So anyway. I tried.

Apparently I failed :-P.

See, some people who’ve seen him think he’s funny. Amusing. So he has at least one redeeming characteristic :-P. But here it is. The Question. Well – not The Question. Jack hasn’t got to that yet. But a Question. Take a read, and then – would you like to read more? Is it worth carrying on with?

Don’t worry. You can say whatever you want. Right here. In the Comments. So go on. Be brave. This is a Fence. Don’t sit on it – be a Flower.

A Flower on the Fence.

PROLOGUE: LEAD GUITAR IN A LEAD ZEPPELIN

The name don't matter none.

Jack Shadow. ShadowJack. Like the lady said in the song, the name don't matter none, 'cause it's all the same. I do my job right, you ain’t never heard of me. Never met me. And them as do meet me - mostly they don’t tell anyone.

Ever.

If it can hurt you, I likely used it some time. I'm the guy you passed in the street, the guy you never saw. Maybe I bummed a cigarette. Maybe I dropped some change in your tin. Maybe you were my friend. Maybe I killed you.

Maybe both.

Yeah, yeah. I’ve heard ‘em. Every one of ‘em. They all start out the same. The jokes. " See... this guy walks into a bar...". Well, that's not me. That guy, I mean. The guy who walked into a bar. I'm the guy who walked out. No. It's not amnesia. Or at least they don't say it is. I've no mysterious past I'm running to find. Near as anyone knows, I don't have a past at all. Near as anyone knows - or admits to. I don't walk round a corner, and some guy from a car shoots at me because long ago I - well, sure. Guys shoot at me. Hell, women too. But not for long ago. Mostly for last week. Where 'last week' is just about any week you choose.

No, I just walked out of a bar. That's what they tell me, the Dragon.

The Dragon? Look it up. It’s all out there. ‘Order of the Dragon. Hell, ‘Sárkány Lovagrend’ if you speak Hungarian. Which I don’t. Yup, the Internet’s a wonderful thing. Guy who had the idea was Dragon. The Dragon loved it so much, they gave him a Special Commendation. I know that for a fact. They sent me to deliver it. The Commendation.

See, you can’t have good ideas being talked about. Ever.

Mind, I said it was out there, about the Dragon. Never said it was true. It isn’t. None of it. That’s the Dragon way too.

Oh, they looked, the Dragon. They really looked for me. Me before the bar, that is. And there isn't much the Dragon can't find if they want to. But there it is. One day, I walked out of a bar. Were there piles of dead bodies behind me? A stacked deck I was dealing, or one I was dealt? I don't know. I walked out of the damn place. I never walked back in. Just - just away.

But they were waiting, and they took me. The Dragon. They tell me they do that a lot. Wait. ‘Til the time a beat of a gnat's wing can topple an empire. Me? I guess I'm a gnat.

I walked out of a bar. The rest - the rest will be history. Some day. Not that I'll be in it. Nobody remembers the gnats. Not if they did their job right.

What's a gnat? It's like they say. If you gotta ask, I can't tell you. But maybe a story would help. Not that it ever happened of course. You comfy? Of course you are. I took care of that.

As airships go, it flew like a lump of lead. That might have had something to do with me shooting the Captain and both deck crew, and locking the hydrogen release valves wide open.

The ship had taken off with some big-ass ceremony. A guy with more money than sense had paid some guy with more sense than money to try to do what the Hindenberg had told people not to do. So the guy with no money had done some thinking, then some other guys did some making. Now the guy with no money had money and the guy with lots of money had an airship. Big-ass airship, big-ass launch ceremony. So with all the smoke and mirrors, it hadn't been hard to get on board. The flight from London to New York meant the blimp had to go real high, to catch the jet stream. I figured there'd be time.

OK. So you're thinking the big shot, right? Hell, no. He had the smarts to think maybe being on the maiden voyage wasn't such a hot idea. So he'd got on with all the cameras flashing and then sneaked off out the back. Left some dumb look-alike stand-in with the reporters to make happy faces and tell them funny stories. No. There was a band on board, to keep things poppin'. The Dragon wanted to make sure the bass player never made it to New York.

Why? Damned if I know. They don't say, and I don't ask. It's a job, that's all. Just another job. That's the Dragon. Some say it's all about the balance. Some say it's the harmony. Some say Dragon’s just a bunch of mean sons of bitches out to rule the world. ‘Course, most of them as say that won’t say it any more.

Not ever.

Me? I say it's just a big pot, and sometimes it needs stirring. Nobody needs to tell the spoon nothin'. I'm a spoon.

So I did what needed doing, and now the ship wasn't going anywhere but down. Along the way, some people got brave. So they got dead. No big. At least it was quick for them. But the chute I had was only good at low altitude and the damn ship was dropping real slow. Time to kill. So there I was. Sliding down the sky jammin' real bad 'Nobody's fault but mine' on a dead guy's axe, ‘til I could pop a window and open my chute.

Real bad? Hell. I never said I could play.

That's what it's like in the Dragon. Sure, they tell you you’re a hero. Saving the world. And if you believe it, what do you get? Well, you get to play bad lead guitar in a lead zeppelin.

I ain’t no hero. Like I said. I'm a gnat.

So there it is. Let's try that joke again. See, this guy walks out of a bar...

I can tell you're wondering. Why we here, you and me? Why we talking? Why am I telling you all this?

Well, see, every job needs that moment. The moment you bang the side of the pinball machine and rock the ball, without ringing tilt. A distraction. So. Consider yourself distracted. But don't take it personal. It's just a job. I'll make it quick.

Oh, and don't worry. I won't feel a thing.


44 comments:

  1. Welcome Jack Shadow. What a ride! Intriguing writing here, but I am going to have to go back and read it again to capture all the nuances. Best wishes on your new release this summmer!

    Gail, I thought from your intro your guest was a wizard putting you under a no-Southern spell. Who was that talking anyway?? Glad to discover a "ya'all" eventually!

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    1. Hey darlin'! Yeah, it's still me! But we're made up of many different facets, which is good, 'cause I'm almost always some aspect or other of my leading ladies and I sure don't want to get boring!

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    2. Lady J (I'd go with Lady Rose, but to use a familial name seems so formal :-) )

      Well and all - one must be careful when guesting at the home of an international assassin. Never mind the patchwork quilt consulting. Lady Gail tells me the assassination work is the less dangerous of the two :-).
      Jack started out as an attempt to write a main with no redeeming or sympathetic characteristics whatsoever (well - sort of. That's the end of the tale though, so not yet revealed). That was the concept. Then I came across the picture of the tree and the shadow outline - and he gelled in my head.
      Of course whether that just means he's all sticky and gluey, or fun, is not for me to say. That, as they say in all the worst talk shows, is for the reader. And hence, I offer him for views. For after all, mayhap it be but scribble, and I only...


      The Idiot

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  2. Comic Fantasy, you say? This is mind-bending stuff which one needs to be cool, calm, and collected to read and understand; which I am not. It's already tough on me to understand and follow my own stream of consciousness, let alone of someone as stratospheric as Graeme. I rest my case.

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    1. Lady Tanja

      Greetings, wise one!
      Well, wise 'til ye called me stratospheric. Ah - but mayhap I catch thy meaning. The air be thin up there, and lacking sustenance or purpose. Thus - perhaps you're right! :-(. Or :-). Or :-P. :-)).

      The Idiot

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    2. I am always right, except when you make me left behind because your brain is too swift for me.

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  3. I always wanted to meet a Gnat. :)

    The Gnat writes splendidly, btw. Can only imagine his teeny-tiny typewriter...or would that be Gpad? :)

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  4. Lady Mae

    Greetings!
    Well, it's always possible Jack's not telling the truth. That he's not a gnat. Or not just a gnat. Of course, that might require a gender change. Because if Jack wasn't telling the truth about the whole Gnat thing, it would make Gnat-a-lie... so would he then have to be Jackie? :-).

    No. He's a gnat. But, as matters progress, he may be a goat as well... :-)).

    The Idiot

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  5. I once tried to write a character with no redeeming or sympathetic characteristics, but discovered it would be my autobiography, and I hate those things!
    Shadow man, eh? I wonder, when the power goes off, do you glow in the dark? Hmmm...
    PD

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    1. Lord Pat

      Jack's better at not being noticed than not being seen. A bit like Segorian in that way :-).
      But if it's a matter of things becoming easier to see, then maybe when The Question gets asked, if it ever does, light may fall..
      Ah, me. All my fore-s are boding. And I don;t even play golf!

      The Idiot

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  6. Well, hey, y'all! Checking in a minute from work, just got here, but couldn't resist checking to see if y'all love Jack as much as I do! As a privileged beta reader, I know a lot more about him than y'all do -- but Iain't tellin'!

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    1. Lady Gail

      Well, perhaps I'd say 'long suffering' rather than 'privileged' :-). But it's honoured I am that ye choose to suffer so, fair one... :-) :-)


      The Idiot

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    2. Toma-to, to-ma-to. Though the difference in pronounciation is a tad difficult to convey in written form. You say long suffering, I say, where's my next Chapter?

      Delete
    3. Oh, I'd have another one done - but this lunatic woman I know wanted me to guest on their blog. So I had to write that instead. after all, it's not smart to not say yes when it's an international assassin and woman of quiltery askin', huh? :-).


      The Idiot

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  7. I'm not completely sure what's going on, but I did pick up on a new recipe for a martini. Just how many ounces of cynanide do you need for that kick? And is that with olives? Fun interview, Lady Gail and Jack.

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    1. Lady Heather


      Well - since you mention olives...

      From Ch 6 - GOLETA A-GO-GO:

      "The Beachside Restaurant on Goleta Beach is a little unusual. For one thing, it’s on the beach. The sun was setting where it should be, beyond the University. And if my Mango Absolute Martini had an olive in it, I could live with that. Mostly because the olive wasn’t shooting at me. Oh, it happened once. But that’s a different story. On the other hand, I figured it wasn’t a good time to be taking risks. So I ordered a beer, and threw the olive out onto the sand.

      It didn’t go bang.

      “You got a problem, Jack.” Blondie didn’t sound too unhappy at the idea.

      I waved a waiter over. “You got any more olives?”

      “Jack. Are you listening?”

      The waiter came back with my beer. It had an olive in. I gave him a ten. When he’d gone, I took the olive out and held it up in front of Blondie. Then I flicked it out onto the sand. This time it went bang. Mostly because of the slug I’d put in it. The crowd in the restaurant just carried on, like nothing had happened. Which was also interesting. So I shot the waiter."

      Olives. You just can't trust 'em. Ever... :-).

      Delete
    2. Life's gotta have some kick! Olives, cyanide, whatever it takes!

      Delete
  8. Jack Shadow's quite the character. Gail I didn't know about your dark activities. See you can't tell about people. It's the most open ones that hide all the secrets. And is this guy just a gnat or is he more than a gnat? If he brings a whole dirigible down isn't he way more than a gnat? Also, when is he going to use his parachute? I find him to be a little too inscrutable, though I definitely like the voice. Jack Shadow is an unusual character and maybe I'd like to know more about him. Though his wild ride through Europe got me very confused. Don't know if I'd like a Moretini, because I don't like olives and especially cyanide tipped ones.

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    1. Lady Lion


      Well, if truth (or some distant relative of truth) be spoken, it wasn't Jack Lady Gail pursued through Europe. That was more, um, sort of me :-). Jack would have handled things rather differently.
      But you strike close to the gold in your comment. I don't know if many would be interested in Jack. Or whether to write more than that which has been written. I know of one who has read it and found it not to their taste, one who likes it, one who thinks it's hilarious even though they don't, in their words, understand a word of it - the list goes on.
      Hence I know not whether Jack's pen should fall silent, or whether the more that waits to be said should be spoken. Or at least written :-).
      Though it is not the size of the deed that marks the gnat - more the invisible nature of the gnat. So long as things go the way the Dragon want them :-).
      My thanks for thy words indeed, wise one :-) :-).

      The Idiot

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    2. Oh, yes, you're finishing Jack Shadow! Otherwise my cyanide-tipped darts might pierce thy skin. When you least expect it, of course!

      Delete
  9. My, Gail, what a multi-faceted gem you are! Congrats to Lord Graeme on his Gnathood, and best wishes for the release of A Comedy of Terros in July. Will be keeping an eye out for the Shadow and his olives.

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    1. Well, I do so hate to be predictable!

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    2. Terrors, not Terros. My keyboard is wearing out again.

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    3. Lady Pat


      Ah, but maybe the lords of, well, of something lordy, are speaking through that very keyboard! After all, until it's released, it be no little terros incognitos, no? :-)
      And my thanks indeed for thy best wishes, wise one and fair, and my apology for my belated reply. This whole 'working for a living' thing. Where do we vote no? :-P.

      The Idiot

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  10. Ah CRUMBCAKES!

    Now I am going to have to do another coronation!

    I crowned Ginger Simpson the Queen of Muse Humor with an appropriately elaborate blog posting.

    Now I'm going to have to do a WHOLE NEW blog for the KING of Muse Humor!

    Thanks bunches Gail and Graeme!

    I don't have enough blog postings percolating in my tempest here already? I mean seriously, Kat's newest GAW just came out on Friday with the next coming out in April. I have books coming out in Feb., April, and June, to reluctantly toot my own horn about, and I've only covered the CA category in the Preditors & Editors 2011 awards for Muse so far. Not to mention my Dumbass Independent mouthing offs...

    But did either of you consider the work you were creating when you invited Graeme to join the Flowers on The Fence lineup?

    NOOOOOOOO!

    So thanks you two...and damn...

    Nudge is already hammering me with what to say!

    Not fair, NOT Fair, NOT FAIR!

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    1. Lady Lin


      Ah, me. But does that yet mean ye found merit in poor Jack? Or merely some twist of lip that might be found a smile? And yet - and yet - were it only that faint twist, that soft-set lip, and that alone the gain, I'd count the words of worth in their result, if not in their poor wit and ill-sought fame. :-).
      If one word of mine made ye smile, wise one, that word is one I will treasure. Not for the word, but for the smile...


      The Idiot

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    2. Thank you Lin! I told "The Idiot" readers would love to read him. He didn't believe me.

      Delete
  11. Not smart at all. Those pins and needles involved in quilting -- oh, yeah, they can do some damage!

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  12. Gail,

    Had to visit to say hee hee hee! to Graeme!

    Hee hee hee!

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    1. Lady Cheryl

      Since you've known me as the Idiot the longest of any here, you can back me up, huh? Take my side, right? :-P.

      The Idiot
      or
      UNSCM

      Delete
  13. Sir Lord Idiot, not only did you enchant Lin, you reached inside and stirred Nudge.

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    1. I feel a link coming on...better keep an eye on the loops!

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  14. G the wise,

    I don't have to tell you I liked your excerpt. So I won't. You already know I love your writing. :) So keep it up.

    Michelle
    www.Michelle-Pickett.com

    Author of Concilium, available July 2012
    Concilium: The Departure, November 2012
    PODs, available June 2013

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lady Michelle

      I already know ye be start, stared mazed, wumin! (For those not aware, Lady Michelle hath suffered me long and long in another place). And it be good to know the mumblty-mumble in used notes I sent did it's job. Heck, I needed at _least _one_ person to lie^H^H^H, er, reply and say they liked my poor wit and words (blush) :-P.


      The Idiot

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    2. Thanks for supporting me in the "you know I love your writing" category of people who know Jack -- uh, Graeme Smith. Glad you came over!

      Delete
  15. Graeme, knowing you from your blog, I'm curious about something. If you wanted Jack to have no redeemable qualities, why does he sound so much like you? Honestly, no matter how you write a character, he or she will come across as likable to someone. There will be a redeemable quality somewhere. But anyway, I love the prologue. The ending is awesome and I wanted to keep reading. Nicely done.

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    1. Lady Kelly

      Well and all - maybe it should be 'why do I sound like Jack?' (blushes). Or maybe it means _I_ have no redeemable qualities... :-(.
      So can I add you to the 'keep Jack going' column of the ledger? I think he can make Novella length (he just passed 13K words). As usual, I know the end. It's the middle that's the fun :-).


      The Idiot

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    2. Great job on this! How fun! Loved every bit of it. Had a smile on my face the whole time.

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    3. Lady Donna

      And my thanks indeed! Lady Gail has a fun blog - well, when I'm not there at least :-).

      The Idiot

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    4. Thanks so much for stopping by Kelly. I really, really, love that Jack Shadow. And he is threatened with death (Graeme, not Jack) should he decide not to finish this.

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    5. Donna, it's so nice to hear other people enjoy Jack as much as I do!

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  16. This was very kewl. Bad boys are so much more interesting than nice guys. Ha. Jack Shadow, you're my new hero. Off to read stories about you.

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  17. A quick update - if quick updates are allowed :-).
    For reasons of excessive anality on my part (no - not yucky stuff. Just something that endeed up in the book that appeared to be outside MuseitUp's code of acceptance) I sent Jack to another e-publisher.
    Oh. Did I mention I finished Jack? Well - novella length, anyway :-).
    So on September 01, 'Books We Love' released Jack Shadow. If you're interested, you can find it here:

    www.amazon.com/dp/B00904HKQE

    And if anyone would like to review it - I have some free copies available :-).

    Graeme
    or
    The Idiot
    or
    Jack's Shadow

    ReplyDelete